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Hirschel Knotts Dies

Legendary swing and soul saxophonist Hirschel “Saxomophone” Knotts descended into ancestry this morning at an undisclosed location in Brooklyn, NY. Knotts’ death was caused by a forceful blow to the head he received from the slide on Slouch Armstrong’s trombone at the climactic end of a secret, sundown to sunup jam session. He was either 78 or 79. Or maybe 80.

Controversy swells as rumors spread this morning about Knotts’ death. Some suggest Armstrong deliberately killed Knotts, though not in malice, but in sympathy. Members of the saxophonist’s family stated that Knotts had been reading too many Stanley Crouch essays of late and had become depressed; they believe Knotts asked Armstrong to kill him, calling it “assisted suislide.”

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